A Story (Name change will happen soon)

Hey everyone, I'm back with a newly updated version of my story. I'm not sure if it's much more, but it's better I think. I feel it is a bit smoother.

Anyway, still no name yet. Can't think of anything

Oh well, constructive criticism would be appreciated here. Same as last time, I'd like to know what you liked and disliked the most, so I know what's working and what isn't. Oh, and I'd actually like at least one reply with constructive criticism this time, please

so far the only thing that isn't quite right with it is the font, you might get more people looking at it with a easier to read font.

then again you'd get more people looking at it if we had more members

Aha, yeah. More people on the forum would be nice

But I just went with the font for fun, I'll probably change it to a more straight-forward font when I've written more

So hows the story going?

Do you think we should ask everyone we know well to join our forum?
that should get us half a dozen more members.