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 Original Sins

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GaffaTapeMan
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PostSubject: Original Sins   Thu Dec 01, 2011 11:37 am

So apparently this forum isn't dead, just "dormant", so I will try and "erupt" this forum again. (Hehe, volcano jokes FTW!)

So it's just a small story I've started, pretty much with a similar basis to the other one (same characters and everything will be, pretty much) except I'm going to execute it completely differently, and it's gonna be epic! So far, I'm only got the Prologue, which is set 600 years in the past (not from today, from the time in the story) and features a full-on battle "of epic proportions" (read the prologue and you'll understand the quotes).

So, as usual I'd like to know what you thought worked well, and not so well, especially in the fight scene, because I plan to do more, but it is kinda hard to write out fight scenes :/ But I'll try, and the other fight scenes won't be using special powers like this one, because they will mostly be either murders or Serial Killers (you'll understand the real difference later).

The title, "Original Sins", refers to all the sins that the human race has caused, mainly the earlier ones, and will be the main plot device of this story (hopefully pirat)

EDIT: Chapter 1 is now complete, and I changed a few sentences and words around, to make more sense. I still need to look through and proof read properly though. But I can do that later
Attachments
Original Sins.docx
Chapter 1 complete, chapter 2 about to start. Still want constructive criticism
(25 Kb) Downloaded 140 times

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Last edited by GaffaTapeMan on Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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Fury945
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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Fri Dec 02, 2011 7:32 am

Interesting so far though it seems as if all of your "Golems" were corrupt.

and the only way to get the forum to "erupt" as you so quaintly put it, is to get more people on it. Which kind of means we need to get Daniel and Michael online more often and maybe invite more people to join.

cheers

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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Sat Dec 03, 2011 2:19 am

Yeah, well that's probably the biggest example of "nobodies perfect" i could do.

And good luck trying to get Daniel and Michael on more often. I don't think Daniel can use his computer much, and I don't know why Michael never really comes on much.

I'll be writing more of this story, but probably won't get much done until after I've finished playing Assassin's Creed Revelations, oh well

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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:26 am

I've had troubles of my own, having my files copied back over onto my computer has taken longer than the computer techs first thought and as a result I'm not getting my computer back until monday afternoon and maybe not even then. Sad Crying or Very sad pale

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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Sat Dec 03, 2011 9:23 am

Damn :/

Oh, and about that other story that I started, this one here is pretty much a replacement for the other one. (This one even has a name!) But I have actually got another story which I've started, and I can post that up if you'd like. It has a name too Razz

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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Mon Dec 05, 2011 5:12 am

You can post as many up as you like, that is afterall what this place is for.

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Halo is cool, Skyrim is cooler
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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:20 am

I've had an idea for something which might be in the story later called "State of Limbo" which happens to Golems (or anyone with Golem powers, etc. *Hint**Hint*) in which it is determined whether that Golem will live again or not, and (possibly) how they live. This is pretty much a test of the Sate of Limbo, just to see if it works very well, because it changes from third-person focusing on mainly a single person and their thoughts, to first-person, but kind of in a weird way.

So yeah, it's just a test and I want to know whether you like the idea of State of Limbo and if you enjoyed the way I executed it, also any thoughts you might have on how I could possibly change the State of Limbo. Thanks Very Happy
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State of Limbo test.docx
Just a test, so leave as much constructive criticism as possible please!
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PostSubject: Re: Original Sins   Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:47 am

Sorry for taking so long to reply, I've been busy making my computer work (and playing games). Could you email me a 2003 word doc. of the limbo one

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